...

all i know... right now... is that YOU BETTER NOT LAY A HAND ON YOU!!!!! i WILL SERIOUSLY NOT DO WELL IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENS TO YOU!!!!! i DO NOT WANT ANYTHING!!!!! ALL i WANT IS FOR YOU TO FEEL BETTER!!!!! FOR YOU TO SMILE!!!!! FOR YOU TO LAUGH!!!!! FOR YOU TO FEEL GREAT!!!!! i WANT YOU TO SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING!!!!! i WILL NOT EVEN LOOK AT YOU!!!!! i WILL DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR RENT!!!!! YOUR CABLENET!!!!! YOUR GROCERIES!!!!! i DO NOT CARE!!!!! and this may sound illogical to some people, heck... maybe even you! but i do not care!!!!! i seriously do not care!!!!! PLEASE! TELL ME YOU ARE OK! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE HEALTHY! YOU WILL KILL ME IN LIFE IF YOU HATE ME.

..

because i wouldn't love you any other way. any other way, and it would not be you, so... i would not care, just the same... and listen to music, and read, and write, and paint, and draw, and do nothing with no one... because i have never been good at having friends... because i believe in being faithfull to the Cuban saying of better being alone than amongst bad company... and so... so i hate certain places, and so i hate being around people that drain me - that drain me because i cannot stay as close as i can to you... whether it's writing here, or on the phone, or somewhere else... it doesn't matter - what matters is your smile. your happiness. your health. your wellbeing... your comfort, your goodness. you drinking water because it keeps you healthy and your brain feeling good.

.

whatever it is, i... im afraid you may take this as me just... being "smart" or an idiot, or my trying to make myself seem like the "odd one out" etc etc etc. you know me too well to know i am not like that.you know me well enough to know i care about nothing other than you! i dont care about me! im shit! im crap! im scum! im not good for anything! what is the basis of my life? what do i live for, since way back when some 29 years ago? what is the truth behind the whole pittyfull bullshit im writing here? to try and make you feel sorry for me? etc... which i know you won't... because i know you don't give a damn... because it's just.... OMGness!!!!! i adore you! do you have any idea! no... you truly don't... i guess... or maybe you do... and you know it way too well!

( )

i don't know if youre reading this... i do not have the slightest clue.i hope you are.what do you think this is for me- i ask you to please please plees forgive me for not being perfect.i do not know what to say.what to do.what to think.all i think is that you hate me for loving you.you hate me for loving who you are.and yes.and no.i am not upset.no.im hoping to be forgiven.my eyes yes are beginning to hurt.i... im... im sorry i am not perfect.you are that to me.

( )

hi

Note From Teenage Flame/Vera Deville

I considered writing this because many people do not know what my work is, essentially. These are all semi-short stories, or maybe you can consider them all bits and pieces of a novel. Let's call them chapters, for the sake of organization. They are all published, yes via Twitter and such, not only Twitter, though. Yes, as many people know mobile micro-blog novels/poetry/any type of writing has become this fad of the day thing. Sure, I'll follow a trend, why not if it means I can get your eyes on whatever I'm writing? I simply want my work read, and in reading it, as much as I enjoy writing it, I would like you as audience to enjoy reading, commenting, and being a direct and live part of this "production". I am using some of the My Independent Presse "Manifesto"-form here, but it is the truth, and the essential reason why I have consequently accepted them as my creative agent provocateur. These are live, sometimes uncut, sometimes edited, sometimes word-of-mouth rhetoric of the final "masterpiece". Come now, how many people do you know have written "the next great American novel"? Well, all great American novels aside, and there are some I can begin listing here and now... thank you. Thank you for reading, it would be a delight to know there is a precious enjoyment behind every word or phrase, and I certainly hope this forward motion leads to a pleasant surprise once the final outcome is shared with the world. Once more, thank you.

Always,

Vera

Anecdotes and Snippets - A day in the night of... 6:18 pm

Ists not really a matter of sitting here listening while something you may say or not actually means a damn thing to me. Actually it means a damn thing to me. It’s more along these lines: i think. And so people talk. People talk all the time! People talk when they can, and sneak to the sideline, or lines, when it’s not allowed – to talk. Now i’m going to take things and make things more – more relevant to me. And i’m only going to take what i want, and i’m only going to write what i need, and i’m only going to add meaning – a sort of definition – to match or juxtapose the voices within. It’s all for... It’s all for... It’s for the sake of happiness! It’s for my very own bliss! It’s the one she wrote down – the one i play well to. This is the one i follow every line to the t for, and you know it’s the sweeter closing when... To hold hands and bow while the curtain falls, moving on to then kiss backstage while the doors close. i take off your clothes, as you come closer. And I can kneel down. I can watch you in that purest delicacy. I’m going to define this well, just how i like it, exactly how i want it. Tell me where you want, and tell me when you want – what you want. Do as you will and take for free. Everything now, what happens next, something here, everything there, what happened then, what we did before, where we were that day, different nights where i moved where you want, always where you need. What i like best is the taste between our sheets. Some reddest wine, some sweetest temptation, some science here or there, your bait, that line, this catch. You know there once was a girl who dreamt. i never knew what that dream was in the first place, but i know it felt close to all of this. That same dream is you from start to end!