Note From Teenage Flame/Vera Deville

I considered writing this because many people do not know what my work is, essentially. These are all semi-short stories, or maybe you can consider them all bits and pieces of a novel. Let's call them chapters, for the sake of organization. They are all published, yes via Twitter and such, not only Twitter, though. Yes, as many people know mobile micro-blog novels/poetry/any type of writing has become this fad of the day thing. Sure, I'll follow a trend, why not if it means I can get your eyes on whatever I'm writing? I simply want my work read, and in reading it, as much as I enjoy writing it, I would like you as audience to enjoy reading, commenting, and being a direct and live part of this "production". I am using some of the My Independent Presse "Manifesto"-form here, but it is the truth, and the essential reason why I have consequently accepted them as my creative agent provocateur. These are live, sometimes uncut, sometimes edited, sometimes word-of-mouth rhetoric of the final "masterpiece". Come now, how many people do you know have written "the next great American novel"? Well, all great American novels aside, and there are some I can begin listing here and now... thank you. Thank you for reading, it would be a delight to know there is a precious enjoyment behind every word or phrase, and I certainly hope this forward motion leads to a pleasant surprise once the final outcome is shared with the world. Once more, thank you.

Always,

Vera

Anecdotes and Snippets - A day in the night of... 6:18 pm

Ists not really a matter of sitting here listening while something you may say or not actually means a damn thing to me. Actually it means a damn thing to me. It’s more along these lines: i think. And so people talk. People talk all the time! People talk when they can, and sneak to the sideline, or lines, when it’s not allowed – to talk. Now i’m going to take things and make things more – more relevant to me. And i’m only going to take what i want, and i’m only going to write what i need, and i’m only going to add meaning – a sort of definition – to match or juxtapose the voices within. It’s all for... It’s all for... It’s for the sake of happiness! It’s for my very own bliss! It’s the one she wrote down – the one i play well to. This is the one i follow every line to the t for, and you know it’s the sweeter closing when... To hold hands and bow while the curtain falls, moving on to then kiss backstage while the doors close. i take off your clothes, as you come closer. And I can kneel down. I can watch you in that purest delicacy. I’m going to define this well, just how i like it, exactly how i want it. Tell me where you want, and tell me when you want – what you want. Do as you will and take for free. Everything now, what happens next, something here, everything there, what happened then, what we did before, where we were that day, different nights where i moved where you want, always where you need. What i like best is the taste between our sheets. Some reddest wine, some sweetest temptation, some science here or there, your bait, that line, this catch. You know there once was a girl who dreamt. i never knew what that dream was in the first place, but i know it felt close to all of this. That same dream is you from start to end!

im sorry

im sorry. please forgive me. i feel like an absolute idiot now, most because i was writing this, and now it’s making it seem like this is sole purpose of my writing, like this is the sole purpose of us, like this is the sole purpose of everything. im sorry. it’s not. it never has been, and it never will be. im not using anything as my sob story, and just... well it was a passionate moment, when i... i thought you would like it, for the sake of writing it, and well, i think i went a little too far, and think you deserve my apologies, and to know that my intentions were to see you smile, not see this sort of result, where the intentions hardly matter, but the fact you don’t smile does, and to hell with everything i wrote – it means nothing because it didn’t even fulfill it’s purpose, which was simply to bring a smile to your face. im sorry. im an idiot. im a blasted fool. im sorry. i hope you forgive me, but if not, i understand. im sorry. i miss you! im sorry. i love you. im sorry. im a stupid idiot. sorta dumb at times, and well, i hope... im sorry.

listen, please:

Yes, sure, i like reading fiction – you not in it. Do you get my point there? It’s not too difficult to see the small print, especially when i enlarge it for visibility and highest readability for you – for everyone. My point being here, again, that yes i like fiction – as you write - not you in what i read. So… how has your day been? Ive not written a damn thing in 2 days now, and it pains me to say… it’s fuckin’ painful as all hell! My knees hurt! Are you smiling? you know, i wanna be your smile. i wanna… yes, be your smile! Take this as my obsessive approach to things, take it again for the nth time and shit, but whatever – yes im fuckin’ obsessed, and it seems sorta pissed off too. im not mad, just miss u, that’s all. So what if you’re in the seat next to me, it’s not next to you i want to be. Well, not with some distance someone may measure once in a lifetime and shit! Can you kiss me already, please! Urgh! Stubborn as all hell, as well, but… i love you more and more that way, so keep it up… but make up the plan you follow and get your ass over here and kiss me! Please?

The Plan: PART 1

i had an issue earlier, but got all the formatting done darlin’. Are you smiling? i hope so. So, this is the plan i wanted to mention – discuss. So, ive been writing, not the whole day, but for a while. Doing this and that, needing to run here and there – im starving! So, i think i know the name of this! No, it’s not a short story! Im doing novel, remember? Well, we’ll see, maybe some… where you choose the winner? Maybe i only want one ballot! i only want your ballot there! Get it? Your ballot = you’re the winner! No? But it’s clever! No? but im trying to say… i love U! gosh! It’s… it’s not too hard to say, just… well… i, i want it special because you’re the mostestspecialesteverythingbestest! Understood? My point here is, maybe the name… i may have come up with the right thing! No, im not telling you yet! The point is to… well, im just trying to make sure it’s it… before i go off and put my foot in my mouth! So what do you think? Maybe? Are you smiling yet? Come on! Gimme a smile! Please! Have i mentioned… that im very bashful, and that i love U, although it’s… yes this is me putting my head down while i grin because im shy, too. i LOVE U!!!!!

BECAUSE i...

It hurts at times, you know. You are there, and when im here, and im doin’ this, and writing that, and so… yes, im nothing great – i sit here, and do “nothing” so you seem to say, here and there, but i hear it everywhere! Call me names! Really, call me names! i truly like it! I smile the entire time! It makes me feel good, sometimes even great! And now, now i have to begin doin’ something else, because… im hurting, and no… my heart’s not broken, it’s with you, the entire time, but there’s a slice of pain prickin’ at it, and it’s getting sharper and sharper – deeper and deeper. So baby, my love, my life, my everything - the taking off the “my” right there. Lust? Letting you know, you… YOU… this… what i know, what i believe, what i feel, how i breathe – the why. Tell me what you want ‘cause ive stopped caring – what you say. You don’t make this change. Tryin’ to step all over me? Sure! Fuck me up! Screw me over! Break me apart, or at least try! Wait! Don’t waste your time. im not… But… enough with the hating of me right here and now. im just walking along, here, there, back, forth, and i still love you , whatever way – every way! i miss u! Maybe tomorrow, maybe after some hours, maybe less, or maybe too much - even more? im here! im writing my way around, taking every step necessary for you, and maybe sometime soon – maybe at least some proof, to you.

Sugarplumfairy!!!!!

My BEiBEE is awake!!!!! She is! and this is thy plan, for US!!!!! Why doesn't she let me feel, though? Because she wants it like that! She wants my love, sometimes reluctant to it, but she wants it, and i want to give it, and she knows it, and... this is how it is! And this is how i want it to be, and this is how i want it to stay, and this is US! and this is US! ONLY! US! ONLY!US!ONLY! ONLY! ONLY! ONLY! ONLY! repeat me here, again - ONLY!US!ONLY!US! So... Give it! Give it to me! Come on! Give it! Show it! Tell it! Make me! Do me! Feel me! Show me! i'm here - in wait!!!!! For you to advance my guard, to push every boundary - whatever boundaries you made. And take me, break me, take the hallmark, and show me this moment - US!Together!Eternally!Infinitely! breaking through some time, some space, doing it now - all is US!!!!!

UPDATE:

i'm getting 2 new tattoos. i'm gettin’ them because you want them. i'm getting 2, and i think you’ll like them. The #1 - on my stomach, you know the torso area. i presume it will be very religious, because you want it. The #2, it will be my back. That, of course – without a doubt – is to your choosing, and i know i will like it, because i always do. i wanted to let you know, and you know why. You know quite well how this all is. You know what i do, and you know what i want, and you know what i like, and you know where i go, and you know where i have never been, and you know it’s only with you, and you know… yes, you know. Other than this, my update is… i have little to say, but i hope this feeds the better – make it best – of your day. Maybe this fills up your day completely, to the best level, marginalize it if you must, call it degree if you prefer. My point here is i’m getting these two new tattoos because you want them. The first, very religious, on my stomach, then at your choosing, always to your liking, on my back.

12:30am

wherever you go, and whatever you do - there will - be the same person i was and where i sound the same, may even move the hands the same, or the feet, maybe the legs, maybe even the face, maybe the skin growing the same way, or maybe every time i breathe there is that same chemical compound going in and out, take a little here, leave some right over there, and. i am this, i stand here, she is that, and she is right there, and she knows more and more, and i know less and less, and she knows this beyond i, and i have nothing left to say, and this is where there is nothing left to do, and the woman i love, yes the woman i live for, the same woman i die for, and the same woman i may live with, the one ive never kissed, the one who never lays her hand on me, the one who touched the jacket i lost - crossing the street - and why because her fingers went close - too close - enough, while someone else stood in the way of my skin running through - into - closer to that beyond, where those, her hands, where she lives, across the way. Our eyes rarely meet. They never did, well, maybe sometimes they have - was it once or twice or was it more times than that? She knows, and I know less. Because if I watched. Because if I saw. Because I would... far, deep, dense, sometime, never this time, when this soon never comes. And soon far, and, but oh so much closer! Closer. She knows right there; and she hates like me; and she knows what I do; and she knows where people live; and she knows where I go. She knows how I stand; she knows where I eat. She knows how long I can stay; she knows what I believe. And she knows how far I can go. She knows where my mind won’t let me lead - she knows the heavens i pray to and for. If she goes, and I stay, and she is there, and she knows this, and she read this before i wrote it, and before i was here, she knew this still waits right there - beside her, within her, right here, next to her, on her, for her, for US! And i want to look up her skirt, the one where she closes my eyes, where i dive underneath. And maybe i shouldn’t write this, but then – sure why not? My insurmountable desire to have this right here and right now where it comes where I go, and where it went and where I followed - but now I sit here. And it comes around. And when it leaves I wait - and when I go it walks beside me - and when I know it goes within me... And at the time for sleep, at the time for sleep we stay home together. We work ‘til late - where she rests her eyes - and I tend to her brain, and knows i handle with care. But she writes it well, so come to some wronger turn - i went; who; where; someone; she what? Gone. Yes, gone. So - again - what is the problem, and who is this i cry for? So something I need to handle and get some hold of? This is for US! This is for US! This is my only reason! This is my only way! If problems arise, let me know. i’ll feel it shove me down. And right there, once i'm done, i promise i’ll go.